


Losing Control

by AnimationAspiration



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blood, Gen, Hurt Keith (Voltron), Hurt Shiro (Voltron), Hurt/Comfort, Post Season 5
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-14
Updated: 2018-06-14
Packaged: 2019-05-23 07:07:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14929538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnimationAspiration/pseuds/AnimationAspiration
Summary: Shiro embarks on a personal mission without telling the rest of the team and he runs into some trouble that he can't handle alone.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I am just so excited for season 6 tomorrow that I had to write something. So put this together quickly. I enjoyed writing it, so I hope maybe some of you will enjoy reading it. Here's to an exciting season 6!

Shiro let out a soft sigh as the small dot appeared on his radar to signify that his destination planet was now in range. However, he didn’t push the Black Lion to approach any quicker. Instead, he stayed at a coasting speed through the emptiness of space with nothing but the stars to distract him from his thoughts.

Maybe this was stupid. Maybe he should have said something to the others.

He looked down at his Galra prosthetic arm and traced the metal creases of his palm. For so long now, it had been a part of him. A memory of his time in Galra captivity and of those he had defeated to be called “Champion”. There were no good memories attached to it. He had no reason to hold onto it, but he found it difficult to make the decision to rid himself of it. For a long time he had tried to convince himself that he could use it for good to fight the Galra and liberate the universe. For a long time his reason for keeping it was due to the fact that the black bayard was missing and he needed some sort of defense. But that was just an excuse back then, and now that the black bayard had been returned he found himself continuously coming up with more excuses to keep it. It was an asset to use to hack Galra tech. It was a way to fight if the bayards were out of reach. But in reality, there was a part of him that wasn’t willing to lose it. Why? Did he have some sort of pride in this sort of trophy from his time in Galra captivity? How could he, after the sins he committed?

Shiro squeezed his eyes shut and bit back the pit in his stomach. He tried to push back the thoughts and tell himself that there was no way he could feel any pride for killing even in the name of self-defense. But the thought kept inching its way back into his brain; _you like the power_. You want the power of the Galra.

He had to get rid of it. It had been a decision that had come with a lot of thought, and it was a choice he had made alone. He couldn’t bring himself to confide in the others. He didn’t want them to see their leader harboring confusion over something that should be so _simple_. He had to be a cornerstone for the team, and recently he had found his mind becoming muddled. His thoughts felt hazy and disjointed and the more he wondered why the more his mind lead to this arm. 

He hasn’t been feeling like himself. Wouldn’t it make sense that the only part of him that wasn’t human could be the reason for that?

That was the real reason he didn’t want to say anything to the others. He had mentioned it only briefly to Lance, but couldn’t bring himself to reveal how worried it really made him. He didn’t want them to know that he had been feeling so…disjointed. That he had been going into a sort of autopilot and not fully registering what his own body was doing. Some of his decisions that he made he couldn’t remember the thought process of getting to his choice and the more often it happened the sicker to his stomach it made him. He felt out of control, and as the leader of Voltron, he didn’t have the luxury of losing control.

So he had made his choice. He had spoken to the Olkari about the possibility of removing the Galra prosthetic and creating a new, more organic limb. Ryner had quickly expressed interest in the idea, and had directed him to a nearby planet named Cagawa where an Olkari group worked specifically on organic augmented limbs & enhancements. According to Ryner, this neighboring planet was rich in material that could create prosthetics that were nearly identical to real limbs of various alien races, and they could customize your new addition with whatever features you wanted. He had already had all of his information sent over from Pidge’s extensive examinations of his Galra arm and told the group what he wanted: an earthling arm with some defensive capabilities. They had agreed and told him it would take time to build, and now here he was a few months later, on his way to pick up his new arm.

It was a great opportunity, so why did he feel so on edge?

“Relax, Shiro. This is a good thing.” He took a calming breath. “You need this. You’ll be in control again.”

Control. He hated the idea that maybe there was something influencing his decisions. He _hated_ the thought that his muddled memories could be the result of someone’s manipulation. If that was true, then the entire team would be in danger because of him. He could never call himself a leader if he was so weak to allow himself to be controlled.

“Stop it. That’s not what’s happening.” He found that speaking the words aloud helped calm his anxious mind. “I am still the Black Paladin. These decisions are mine. _This_ decision is mine.”

The Black Lion had entered Cagawa’s atmosphere now and he pulled his lion in for landing at the location that Ryner had specified. He took a moment to look around what he could see of the planet and was met with a very flat landscape mostly covered in tall brown grass. There was a clearing nearby where a large building stood that he could tell was Olkari based on its identifiable architecture. That must be the place.

He brought Black down not too far away and took just a second to push all his anxious thoughts to the back of him mind and ready himself. There wasn’t room for any second thoughts now. It was time to let go of this shackle.

Once he dismounted his lion, he was met by an Olkari at the front of the facility named Davyr. He seemed a few years younger than Ryner though slightly taller and he dressed in a long white doctor’s coat. He quickly proved to be quite the chatterbox as he led Shiro into the facility.

“I am so excited to show you what we have created for you. It is my best work to date. We have never worked on something for an earthling so we had to push our boundaries to discover the perfect combination of materials to create a durable, yet lifelike creation.” He hardly stopped to take a breath as he spoke, but Shiro took the opportunity to observe his surroundings. They were walking down a long, grey hallway with a number of doors on each side, but aside from Davyr’s echoing words, there were no other sounds or signs of life. Maybe they were all enthralled in their work behind those doors, if they were as energetic about their work as Davyr seemed to be. “Those Galra have no beauty to their work, although I will admit your prosthetic is the more tasteful of their usual creations. Even still they made hardly any effort to adjust the limb to benefit the host. Besides its basic structure, it has no earthling qualities at all. It’s dreadfully heavy, it must be a strain, and I’m sure you don’t need me to mention the extensive maintenance it requires. I think you’ll be overjoyed at what we’ve built for you.”

After walking down a few identical pathways, Davyr lead him to a door which he unlocked with a code before basically flouncing inside. Shiro followed with much more hesitancy. He was going to be the one undergoing this procedure after all, and he was starting to feel a little nervous with such an enthusiastic doctor. It was a small and simple room, with a gurney in the middle and various tools on tables beside it. In the back were two quiet, white coated figures that seemed to be preparing a few more tools in silence with their back to them. Davyr paid them no mind and goaded Shiro towards a table on the far side of the room.

If he hadn’t known that he was here for a new prosthetic, he would have completely freaked out at the sight of a dismembered limb. The thing in front of him was so realistic that he couldn’t believe it wasn’t the same limb that had been removed by the Galra years ago. He couldn’t help but reach out and touch it. The skin felt real. It had hair. It had fingerprints. It even had nails. He ran his fingers along the creases in the palm and when he pressed down, the fingers curled as human fingers should. It was…it really was unbelievable.

“This is incredible.” He could understand Davyr’s excitement now. “You got all of this from Pidge’s data?”

“Well, the skin tone and hair color, yes. The finger prints, we had to duplicate from your left hand and then we altered them slightly to make them unique to your right.” He pulled up a small computer from beside the table and showed Shiro a visual comparison of the fingerprints.

“Pidge had all of that in her exams?” He had no idea what all Pidge gathered whenever she did those tests, but even hair and skin color? Had that really been necessary?

“Yes, they had extensive research. But not only does it look and feel like your real arm, but it also has the defensive capabilities you requested.” He quickly maneuvered to a different part of his program so quickly that Shiro couldn’t see what other overly personal information Pidge had gathered. In a flash, the Olkari doctor had a few wires attached to the disembodied arm and with a click of a button it lit up with a bright white light that emitted from the palm to the elbow, almost identical to his Galra one besides color. “It should act exactly like your current prosthetic, although we weren’t sure what color to go with. Purple is so closely associated with the Galra, but we can change it at your request. It was difficult to create a skin that would withstand wear and tear from fighting and also hold up against the heat of the internal weapon, but I think we did a wonderful job. I really am proud of this. I would go so far as to call it a masterpiece. Aren’t you excited to get it attached?”

“Yeah. What do you need me to do?” Shiro was starting to feel excited too; perhaps Davyr’s enthusiasm was infectious.

“Just lay down here. We will have to put you under, because the process of removing the previous arm and reattaching the new one isn’t a painless one. But it should be a very quick procedure, no more than thirty minutes.” Davyr guided him to the operating table and donned some gloves as Shiro laid down. He worked and talked as he gathered the prepared anesthesia from the two in the back. He went on about the materials they’d used and the research it took, and he talked so much and so quickly that Shiro hardly noticed when he inserted the IV until his mind started to feel a little foggy.

Pretty soon, his rambling started to meld together and after a while of listening to garbled up conversation, he stared down at Shiro. He asked him a few questions, but his mind was too hazy to understand them and the edges of his vision were starting to fade. Once he didn’t respond, Davyr’s expression changed to sadness and he quickly mouthed the words, “I’m sorry.”

“What?” Shiro furrowed his brow to try to understand why he was sorry, but before he could get any response, there was a bright purple light from behind and the Olkari fell hard to the ground.

Shiro didn’t even have the chance to panic at the sudden change in events. His body could hardly register the movement of white in his peripheral. He struggled against the anesthesia, but was fighting a losing battle as the last thing he saw was the mask of a druid hovering over him. The room was glowing purple, but after that, his world went dark.


	2. Chapter 2

Keith crouched low as he crept through the tall grass the covered the entirety of planet Cagawa. It made it difficult to figure out where he was going, so he had to occasionally pop his head out of the top to make sure he was staying in the right direction. After a bit more trekking, he finally reached the end of the brush where he could see the facility ahead. “Kolivan, I have the Olkari facility in sight. I’m ready to move out.”

“All right. Remember, your mission is only to figure out why the Galra are there.” Kolivan’s gruff voice echoed in his ear piece. “As you know, we received word that two high level battleships landed there yesterday and dropped off a number of high ranking soldiers. We don’t have an idea of how many or why they chose to land on a liberated planet. We feel it may have something to do with the weapon that was released back at Commander Ranveig’s base. This is a stealth mission to help us understand what they are planning. Get the information and report back; do not engage. If action needs to be taken, we will plan for it.”

“Understood.” Keith hesitated to move in just yet as he watched the front doors. One of the Olkari was standing at the front, alone, as if he was waiting to greet someone. He hardly had time to think of who before he was hit by a gust of wind from the thrust reversers of a ship. Keith crouched low to avoid being seen and gasped when he saw the Black Lion coming in for landing just on the other side of the facility. “Shiro? Why is he here?”

Had Voltron been made aware of the Galra presence here? It wouldn’t be that surprising, but as he kept his eye to the sky he couldn’t see any of the other lions approaching. Shiro was the only one who exited the Black Lion and he approached the Olkari alone. He was too far away to hear the words they exchanged, but it appeared that Shiro had been the one he had been waiting for. Why? What was going on here?

As soon as the front doors closed behind them, Keith was on his feet. He couldn’t waltz right in the front door and interrogate Shiro, but Kolivan had pointed out an entry point into the ventilation system that could get him inside. If he moved quickly, he could avoid losing them. He made his way there quietly and pried open the grate with his blade before crawling inside and carefully replacing it. It was a tight fit, likely the reason Kolivan assigned him to this mission was because he was small enough to just barely fit, but he could move. The voice of what he assumed was the Olkari was echoing all through the vents and he made his way forward to find its origin point. He tried to make out the words, but he spoke so quickly and so loudly that it all melded into one incoherent echo.

Why had Shiro come here alone? Was this some sort of diplomatic mission assigned to him from Allura? Or had the Olkari called them here because of the Galra? But if that was the case, wouldn’t the others have come along too? The intel said that two battleships dropped off Galra here. There could be at least a hundred of them hiding in wait. Could Shiro really handle a fight like that alone?

Question after question swarmed Keith’s mind as he maneuvered his small crawlspace as quietly as he could. He was thankful for the Olkari’s constant yammering to cover any of his sounds and to give him an idea of where he had to go. It was loud in the halls, but when it became much quieter he realized they must have entered one of the rooms. If he could follow where that voice was loudest, he would find Shiro.

And then what? Jump out and ask what he’s doing? This was a mission, and Kolivan constantly berated him for making things personal. He should be heading to gather the intel and that’s it. But what if Shiro was in trouble? What if he ends up in a fight? Kolivan’s orders strictly said not to engage. But there wouldn’t be a choice at that point. He couldn’t leave Shiro to fight alone. All he had to do was observe this interaction until Shiro left and then he could get the intel and leave. So far he hadn’t heard any sign of a skirmish, so there hadn’t been any interaction with the Galra.

These sorts of thoughts ran laps in his brain as he followed that constant voice. It grew louder and louder until he could make out a few of the words. “Heat”, “Weapon”, “Masterpiece” he didn’t have any context behind the words. What were they talking about?

“Yeah. What do you need me to do?” Shiro’s voice made Keith furrow his brow. What would he need to do besides protect them? And if that was the case, if Shiro were here to help, then maybe the Galra weren’t a threat here anymore. Maybe whatever intel he was after was already coming to light.

The Olkari was talking again, but now he wasn’t the only one making noise. Keith stopped his shuffling to listen, and he could hear movement from all over the halls. Footsteps, doors opening and heavy breaths filled the pathways beneath him, but no words were exchanged besides that one Olkari. Why were so many people suddenly moving at once? The place had been almost eerily silent before.

He pressed forward, focusing on keeping his movements as quiet as possible. The voice was loud now so he must be close. Just a few feet more and he should be right above them, but as soon as he crossed the short distance the voice stopped. Had he heard the activity in the hall, or had he heard him in the vents above him? Keith held his breath in the beat of silence, gripping his blade at the ready.

Then a new voice filled the silence.

“Your work here is done.” There was a crackling and the sound of something heavy falling.

“I thought he would never shut up.” A mildly gruff female voice. They didn’t sound Olkari. Were they Galra? He didn’t hear any response from Shiro. Was he okay? His grip on his blade tightened.

“Initiating project kuron phase 5.” The first voice again. It was calm, almost robotic. Still, he heard nothing from Shiro. Had he been hurt?

There was a dry chuckle from the female voice. “You thought you could get away. You’ll never be able to escape us, _Champion_.”

That final word was all Keith needed to hear to know that Shiro was in trouble. It sounded like there were only two below. He could take two, but how many were waiting in the hall? Shiro wouldn’t fit in this ventilation system. If he interfered now, they would have to fight their way out. His mission would be compromised.

He let that bother him for all of half a second before plunging his blade through the metal between him and Shiro and quickly cut a hole big enough for him to fit through. He leapt down into the room with his blade at the ready. It took one glance for him to size up the situation. Shiro, unconscious on an operating table in the middle of the room. A druid to his right, its right hand glowing a bright purple against Shiro’s arm. A Galra female to Shiro’s left, already grabbing for a weapon.

He threw his blade at the druid first, hoping to take it out quickly but the thing vanished in a plume of smoke just before impact. Keith quickly closed the distance between himself and his weapon, scooping it back up just in time to avoid a shot from the blaster of the female.

“Put the facility in lockdown! We have an intruder!” Her shrill voice almost immediately elicited sirens blaring throughout the entire facility. Every other enemy would know he was here now. He had to take care of this quickly.

He crouched down low and surged forward, dodging her constant blasts. But the room was small and she found her back to a wall quickly. He moved fast and swung his blade upward, slashing her blaster in half. She reacted quickly, knocking his arm back from a consecutive attack. She kicked him back and fell into a fighting stance, which Keith mimicked. She held her own well, dodging or blocking his blade with every swing he took, but when he dropped his blade she took one moment too long to wonder why he would willingly release his weapon. He took that chance to grab her by the wrist and with his other hand on her waist he flipped her to the floor with enough force to knock the wind from her, and he immediately hit her hard in the back of the neck with his elbow, knocking her out.

He didn’t have any time to recover before he saw a flash of purple just to his left and he barely had the chance to dodge an attack from the reformed druid. The blast tore at his hood and damaged his mask badly enough for it to vanish. He rapidly recollected his blade and jumped back to avoid another attack. 

The druid was back beside Shiro, with its hand glowing against his Galra arm again. That meant it was only using one hand to attack with and Keith did his best to take advantage of that as he swung in on its weak side. As he had hoped, it had to let go of Shiro in order to dodge the attack and Keith swung again at its chest, forcing it further away.

This only earned irritation from his enemy who retaliated with an attack that Keith managed to dodge by twisting to his left, but he wasn’t quick enough to avoid a consecutive blast that hit him in the shoulder, tearing through his suit with ease. Before he could even register the hit, he was blasted again in the leg with an attack hard enough to send him to a knee. He gritted his teeth and bit back the pain, quickly swinging out hard to hit it in the waist, but before his blade made impact, it vanished again. Keith growled in agitation as his knife sliced through nothing but smoke.

He got back to his feet and glanced around the room, waiting at the ready for it to rematerialize. There was silence and nothing but his heavy breathing as he twisted on his feet, making sure to stay close to Shiro. His heart was beating loud in his ears, sending a throbbing through his wounded thigh and shoulder, but he couldn’t focus on that. It wouldn’t stay hidden for long. Where would it be?

There it was; a shadow that shifted in the light right behind him.

“Now!” The fallen Olkari suddenly leapt up and wrapped his arms around the druid’s midsection as soon as it fully reappeared, holding him there just long enough for Keith to spin on his heel and throw his blade. It hit the druid solidly in the temple and the thing instantly folded in on itself until nothing but a mask and Keith’s knife clattered to the floor.

“Thank you.” Keith picked up his knife and slid it back into its sheath while he helped the Olkari back to his feet. “What happened here? Is Shiro okay?”

“He’s just unconscious, but it shouldn’t be for too long.” He seemed a little shaky on his feet, likely not used to this sort of situation, but stayed upright. “The Galra, they just appeared yesterday and swarmed the facility. They took everyone hostage so quickly that we didn’t have time to contact Voltron. They told me that if I didn’t cooperate today, that they would kill everyone here. I don’t know their intentions. I’m sorry. ”

“Why haven’t the others come storming in here?” Keith glanced at the door, having expected to see a swarm of Galra piling into the room, but it remained firmly shut.

“The door is locked with a code only we Olkari know. They cannot enter, but that is the only exit, so if you hope to escape, they will be waiting. We will have to think of some way to avoid being ambushed as soon as we open the door.”

Keith paused a moment to think. Going back through the vents wasn’t an option. Maybe he could go alone and take out as many as he could, but he was only one person, and he could only take so many. If he could get to the control room through the vents and deactivate the lockdown, then that would solve one problem, but still left the bigger one. How was he going to get Shiro out of here? If he left him in here for too long, they would likely go and get one of the Olkari being held hostage to open the door. He had to think of something.

“I have an idea.” His focus was broken by the Olkari doctor who was holding the druid mask in one hand and the female Galra’s white coat in the other.

Before he had much time to argue about it, Keith was sitting on the shoulders of Davyr, who had kindly introduced himself while completely neglecting any concept of personal space. Keith threw the coat around his shoulders and pulled over the hood, adjusting it so that it covered the both of them as best it could before he slipped on the druid mask.

“Is this really going to work?” Keith shifted uncomfortably. He felt like he was on some Saturday morning cartoon. This was definitely outside of his comfort zone and frankly he wanted it over with as quickly as possible. “We’re a little taller than a normal druid.”

“We’re both two short to pass off as one alone. We’re still shorter than most Galra. Hopefully they won’t notice.” Davyr took a few steps around the room, focusing on keeping steady and not tipping backwards or looking too much like a hunchback. He only hoped it appeared passable. “Okay, grab the gurney. If we can fool them long enough to get to the control room, then we can disable the lockdown commands and open up our exits.”

This was stupid. This was so stupid, but Keith followed the orders anyway because he couldn’t think of anything less stupid to do. He grabbed the rail on Shiro’s gurney and together they maneuvered it towards the door.

“Ready? You’ll have to put on a good act.” Davyr waited for Keith’s nod before punching in the code to open the door and quickly hiding his hand under the coat before anyone outside could see.

The scene outside the door was exactly as Keith had expected; a swarm of Galra with weapons readied were focused on the opening. His heart leapt into his throat as he expected a bombardment of fire that he couldn’t defend against, but none came. Instead, most of their eyes widened, not expecting to see a druid standing there.

Davyr moved forward and Keith kept the gurney steady as they stepped out into the crowd in silence. Most of the Galra actually made way for them, just staring as their weapons slowly lowered. The silence was nerve wracking as they made an unnecessarily wide left turn until finally one Galra spoke up.

“What happened to the intruder?”

“He has been disposed of.” He put on the best, deep druid voice he could. Sweat trickled down the side of his face as he waited for one of them to call his bluff. Dozens of eyes were watching them so intensely that he found himself holding his breath. He had to say something to divert their focus. “Clean up the mess.”

“Yes, sir.” And just like that, they started to move again, some running into the room to do as they were told, and some returning to their patrol of the halls. They were able to venture down the hall and Keith whispered guidance to Davyr so they didn’t run into any walls and turned when needed. The occasional Galra would wander by –they were moving fairly slow after all-and watch them, but no one stopped to inquire. The druid’s must be pretty threatening if they didn’t question _this_.

Once they reached the door to the control room, Keith signaled when the coast was clear for Davyr to punch in the code. They entered and commanded the Galra standing guard inside to leave so they he could take control, and they listened.

“I can’t believe that actually worked. “Once the door shut behind them Keith pulled off the druid mask and coat and actually breathed again. He quickly dismounted Davyr’s shoulders, wincing as his leg buckled slightly from the burn on his thigh. It was a good thing he hadn’t been the legs, or he might have fallen.

“I suppose they likely didn’t think anyone would try it.” Davyr rolled his shoulders and neck to help realign his posture. He was grinning from ear to ear that his idea had actually worked but he tried to hide it with humility as he approached the computers in the center of the room. “Now to open those doors.”

A groan grabbed Keith’s attention and his eyes snapped to Shiro. He was starting to move though his eyes were still closed. Keith was by his side in an instant. “Shiro? Shiro, are you okay?”

He didn’t respond immediately, just groaned and his face contorted into a grimace. Keith touched his shoulder and immediately he shot up, grabbing Keith’s wrist hard and twisting it as his hand glowed bright purple.

“Hey! It’s just me! It’s Keith!” Pain soared up his arm at Shiro’s firm grip, and it only tightened at his words. His hand was starting to burn through Keith’s armor. Why wouldn’t he let go?

Shiro looked up to meet Keith’s eyes and his stomach dropped when he peered into eyes that were deep and glowing pure yellow with an anger and hatred that could only belong to the Galra.


	3. Chapter 3

Shiro didn’t want to wake up.

It was warm and comfortable and it felt like he was floating, wrapped in soft clouds. He wanted to stay here for hours, but there was muffled talking that broke though the slumber and prodded him to wake up.

He squeezed his eyes shut in hopes that it would help him fall back to sleep, but those voices seemed to be getting louder and as he listened to the muffled words, he realized that he recognized it. It was Keith. He was probably here for some early morning training. That was weird; he was usually awake before Keith. Wait…wasn’t he with the blades? So this must be something important.

He finally opened his eyes and when he did he was surrounded by an endless expanse of stars. He immediately sat up at the sight of something so unusual and took a look around him. For as far as the eye could see it was only stars and he realized quickly that he was in the astral plane. How had he gotten here? He didn’t remember the Black Lion bringing him here. What had happened before he fell asleep?

He felt a surge of panic in his chest at the lack of answers. He had been in Black, but he had landed. He had spoken to an alien…an Olkari, about a new arm. He was remembering now, seeing the new prosthetic in awe and excitement, but as he looked down at his right arm, it was still his old Galra limb. Something had happened before the surgery…but he couldn’t remember. There was the anesthesia and he had been groggy. The Olkari was talking and then he gasped as he remembered the face of the druid staring down at him.

No, no, no. This was bad. He had to get out of here!

“Keith!” His voice echoed throughout the empty realm, but he could still hear the muffled voice. It was starting to sound clearer and form words. He was calling his name but from where? He spun around, peering into the vast nothingness in hopes of spotting someone or something.

“Shiro!” Keith’s voice was loud and clear directly behind him and when he turned around he was facing a scene that made his heart drop. Keith, with his blade held at the ready, cradling a scorched wrist and harboring two more burns on his shoulder and thigh. His eyebrows were knit together in distress and pain. His words were pleading. “This isn’t you, Shiro.”

“No…” he found the word leaving his lips on its own accord as he follow Keith’s line of sight and saw the last thing he ever hoped to see. Himself. With bright yellow eyes and a fully activated glowing Galra weapon. His face was contorted in murderous hatred that should _never_ be directed at Keith.

“Stop!” Shiro shouted but his words went unheard to the others. The impostor Shiro lunged at Keith, slashing at his face, but Keith parried his hand away. Shiro tried to interfere and grab himself to pull him away but his hand slipped right through, like it was nothing more than a projection. He stepped back as realization hit him like a ton of bricks. He’d lost control. All he could do was watch as his own body attacked and he was powerless to stop it.

“No…no, no, no!” This is exactly what he was worried about. He knew he was losing control. He knew he had to do something. That was why he came here. If only he had told the others why he was here, there would be more people here to stop him. This was never supposed to happen. He was supposed to throw away that Galra tech today. Had they known that he was planning on cutting off their control? Did they interfere because of that?

He watched as the Impostor charged at Keith again and again, and though Keith was putting up a good offense, he wasn’t going to be able to fight forever. Shiro could see it, a stumble here from the burn on his leg, a tremble there from the hand shaped wound on his wrist. And then what? He couldn’t just slash away like he was up against the gladiator. This was Shiro. And he couldn’t hurt Shiro.

This could only end badly. Shiro started to pace his way around the scene. He couldn't just stand by and do nothing. There had to be _something_ he could do. Something that could help him regain control. He closed his eyes a moment to focus and think, which may have been asking for the impossible with his heart hammering in his chest and panic in his veins.

_Get rid of it._

The thought shouldn’t have taken as long as it did to dawn on him. This arm had held control over him for too long. He ran his fingers along the base where the prosthetic and his arm met. With one deep breath he dug his nails into the skin and pulled.

***

“Shiro, please!” Keith heaved out every breath as he jumped and dodged to avoid Shiro’s flurry of attacks. “I’m not going to hurt you!”

His words fell on deaf ears. He couldn’t keep this up forever. There had to be some way he could knock him out without hurting him too badly, but he wasn’t allowing any openings to do so.

His wounds were making themselves known, throbbing in pain with every heartbeat while his lungs were starting to sting from overexertion. That druid must have done something to Shiro to cause this and he clenched his jaw at the thought. There was no doubt that this was the real Shiro. He had seen him land the black lion outside. Was what that druid had done lethal? Was Shiro’s body lost to some druid magic mind control? If that was true, how was he supposed to stop it? If he did…would Shiro wake back up as himself?

He quickly jerked left to avoid a hit to his chest, his distracted thoughts earning him a graze on the arm. Shiro gave him no pause, swinging with his left towards Keith’s right side. He leapt back and retaliated with a kick to the stomach that sent Shiro stumbling. He took the chance to land a hit to the side of his head with the hilt of his blade, but Shiro reacted quickly and blocked it, knocking him back.

This could go on forever. He had to do something.

But what if Shiro was gone? What if this thing he was fighting was just some druid magic filled zombie that knew nothing but to fight? If Shiro was gone, it would be his fault. If he had just intervened as soon as he saw him entering the facility, then none of this would be happening now. He wouldn’t have to fight the most important person in his life. He wouldn’t be faced with the reality that he might have to kill him.

A knot formed in his chest as the words he’d been denying formed in his brain. He couldn’t kill Shiro. There wasn’t any way he could-

Bam! Shiro hit him hard with both fists in his wounded shoulder, sending him crashing to the ground in a heap of pain. His head hit the floor with a bounce and his vision blackened for just a minute. He scrambled to gather himself and keep hold of his knife. When his vision came to, fear leapt into his throat as he saw that purple glow heading towards his neck faster than he could move. Shiro’s bright yellow eyes, filled with fury and intent to kill followed shortly behind and all Keith could do in the split second was prepare as best he could for the pain.

But the oncoming attack just stopped. His fingers were centimeters from slicing open his neck, and he was frozen. Shiro’s face had contorted suddenly into a mixture of pain and agitation. Slowly, his fingers curled into a fist and he dragged his hand away from his throat like it weighed a thousand pounds.

“No.” Shiro’s voice was a snarl and a tremble tore through his body as if he was putting every ounce of strength he had into just standing up. His fingers clawed at his prosthetic, leaving scratches along the skin around his forearm. “I need…to get it off.”

He choked his words through gritted teeth and when he looked at Keith the yellow eyes revealed their normal dark grey iris. There was sorrow and regret in those eyes and the burning ambition of a man who refused to stop fighting. Shiro was still in there and he was giving his all to regain control.

He didn’t have to do it alone anymore.

Keith took the opening and shot forward, spinning to his right and swinging out his elbow to land a solid hit to the back of Shiro’s neck. However, just before making contact, Shiro ducked down and thrust a fist into Keith’s now wide open chest. The impact was hard enough to send him flying. He hit the ground and skidded backwards, gasping for air.

But this time, Shiro didn’t pursue him. Instead, he clawed desperately at his Galra arm, letting out an agonized scream as his nails dug gashes into his forearm. 

Shiro let out an agitated cry of frustration into the void of the astral plane as he tore his arm ragged trying to pry the prosthetic from his body, but his attempts got him nowhere. He’d managed to get a grip on the base, but when he pulled it sent waves of pain through his nerves and his bones. Even still he tried. That was all he could do right now.

He had to keep fighting. For one moment he had regained enough control to fight against the Impostor, but he hadn’t been strong enough to take back his body. He refused to lie down and allow them to win so he grabbed hold of his arm again and pulled despite the pain that came with it. “Let me go!”

_You are weak without it._

“No.” His words were a growl as he pulled harder. “I’m weak with it because I refused to trust in my team. I was scared of what they would think. I was scared that they would push me away. I tried to call myself a leader, but I couldn’t even rely on my own team. I’m not strong, but I don’t have to be, because together, you will never beat us.”

_You will never make it back to your team. You’ve lost._

“No, I haven’t.” He squeezed his eyes shut, pushing away that voice. His team was here, fighting for him, just like he always did. Keith had saved him time and time again and he would rely on him one more time now. He would trust him.

When he opened his eyes again he was staring into Keith’s. “Cut off my arm.”

“What?” Keith jumped back to avoid a blow to the head that Shiro couldn’t stop from throwing. His body was still running out of control. It was everything he could do to beg for Keith’s help now.

“Please, Keith. I need your help.” His eyes were begging, boring into Keith’s with a pleading desperation that he had never seen in Shiro before. They were impossible to refuse, and Keith gave the slightest of nods in response. There was a flash of gratefulness before his face contorted in pain again. He fought to maintain that thread of control, but he wasn’t strong enough, leaving Keith once more with the Imposter.

All right. Let’s finish this.

They had fought together hundreds of times both while training at the Garrison and on the training deck of the castle. Shiro was the best at hand to hand combat of anyone he’d ever sparred with and he didn’t leave openings. Except when he knew his hit would connect.

Keith swung wide to his right to dodge a blow from Shiro’s right fist and swung out to hit him in the face. Shiro ducked and his left hand shot out, grabbing Keith tight around the neck. He moved fast, pushing him back and pinning him to the wall behind him. He drew his right arm back, hand glowing bright with fingers straightened.

This was his opening.

As his arm flew forward to make the hit, Keith jerked his blade upward, hitting his target right where he wanted. His blade sliced straight through the flesh above the base of the prosthetic and he yanked it hard, feeling it cut clean through muscle and bone with ease as blood sprayed from the wound.

But Shiro was a fighter and he hadn’t missed either. Keith cried out in pain as his hand tore into his chest, ripping through ribs and organs until it broke through his back. As soon as Shiro’s arm was severed, the weapon powered down and Keith slumped to the ground with the limb still protruding from his chest. He yanked it out with gritted teeth, choking up blood when he did.

Shiro fell to his knees in front of him as blood poured from the stump of his right arm. He grasped at the wound to block the blood flow as best he could and when he looked at Keith his eyes were no longer that bright yellow.

“Shiro…?” Keith’s words were a wheeze. His chest was on fire with pain and every breath felt like needles as blood soaked his suit.

“It’s me. It’s me, Keith.” Shiro collapsed against the wall beside him, light headed from blood loss. He had to tourniquet this somehow, but his head was already feeling woozy and his fingers were trembling. “You’re bleeding. I’m bleeding. What are we going to do?”

“They’re coming…” Keith’s voice was weak as there was a pounding at the door. Was it the Galra? They were in no condition to fight right now. Shiro’s head was swimming and his arm was throbbing. He was cold and so tired, but he couldn’t rest. He had to stop his bleeding and he had to fight.

There was a blur he couldn’t register opening the door. He couldn’t see who it was coming in before his vision faded to black.


	4. Chapter 4

It was cold and dark and his body felt heavy. Shiro was slightly aware that he was standing and drifting forward, but his senses weren’t quite all together. It was one second too late that his mind realized he was falling and his eyes snapped open. He was blinded by bright white lights and couldn’t see enough to catch himself just as something soft enveloped him. It was warm and he soon realized it was a person holding him.

He blinked a few times to adjust to the lights and once his vision cleared he recognized the Castle of Lion’s healing bay. In front of him were the smiling faces of Allura, Lance, Pidge and Coran while Hunk grinned from beside him, still holding him upright. “You okay?”

“Yeah.” Shiro leaned back to hold up his own weight though appreciative of Hunk’s steadying hand on his shoulder. “What happened? How did you guys find us?”

“We received a distress signal from your Olkari friend, Davyr.” Allura responded, though her smile faded quickly into concern. “He explained as much as he knew about the situation with the Galra and with your arm. We are just happy we made it in time. What happened, Shiro? How long has this sort of thing been going on?”

“Give him a break, Princess.” Lance jumped to Shiro’s defense at Allura’s accusatory questions. “He just got his arm sliced off, and you’re already interrogating him?”

“No, it’s ok. I…I should have told you all a long time ago.” Shiro allowed Coran to drape blanket around his shoulders. He was thankful for that small comfort as a knot formed at the words he knew he had to let out. He explained to them the way his thoughts had recently felt muddled and hazy and how he couldn’t recall reaching some of his decisions. There were times when he felt he would go on autopilot like someone else was moving his body and he would wake up not quite realizing why he did what he did or how. It wasn’t so obvious like he was aware that his mind was being controlled, but rather like when you drive to work and when you get there you realize you didn’t pay any attention to the road at all. It was a lot of little things that made him worried and uneasy and the more he thought about it the more he attributed it to his arm.

However, even after he knew something was happening to him, he didn’t trust them enough to tell them about it. If Keith hadn’t been there today to stop him, he could only imagine the danger he could have been to all of them and to Voltron. Staring at them all now, he felt an intense amount of guilt. He explained everything he knew. He told them everything about the druid, the astral plane, the fight with Keith. Everything. He finally let it all out and they sat around him quietly listening.

“I just…I didn’t understand what was going on.” As he spoke he found it difficult to meet their eyes. “And as the leader, I felt…weak and confused. I didn’t want that confusion to have any negative impact on Voltron and on you all. I felt like I wasn’t worthy as a leader and the idea of Black rejecting me again just…I was terrified. I felt so out of control that I guess I clung to that fear. I felt like I _had_ to be a strong leader or I would get booted out. I started running over you, Lance and Allura, and I made decisions that went against the team’s choices and…and in the end I became the bad leader that I was so scared of becoming. I thought the best thing to do would be to keep it a secret and try to figure it out myself. I tried so hard to be a strong leader for Voltron that I ended up pushing away the only people who could have helped me. I’m sorry. ”

His apology trailed off into silence. No one around him spoke as they took in all of what he had said. He had threatened the team and put them in danger. He had been a weak leader and made poor decisions. It was all true and now it was all out. All of the fears he had held back for so long were out here in the open in silence.

Pidge was the first to move. She walked straight up to him and threw her arms around him, pulling him into such a tight hug that he was completely caught off guard. “You idiot. We all knew something was going on and it shouldn’t have taken you this long to tell us. You’re not weak, and you’re not a threat. You’re human, so it’s about time you let yourself be.”

“Yeah, man. We all make mistakes.” Hunk joined in on the hug, easily scooping the two of them up. “Besides, you’ve been through a lot of tough stuff. We get that you might not want to talk about it all, but when you do want to, we’ll be here to listen. You don’t have to be some big, strong, fearless leader, man. You’re already pretty amazing to all of us.”

“Yeah, man. You were my hero even before we came to space.” Lance wandered over and took a seat beside Shiro. “Now you lead a giant robot to fight an enormous alien empire in space. C’mon man, no one can be that cool all the time. It’s ok to make a few mistakes. We’ve got your back, Shiro. We’re not going to kick you off the team because you mess up one time.”

“They’re right, Shiro.” Allura gave him a soft smile from where she sat across from him, and Coran grinned his agreeance beside her. “You have been a phenomenal leader thus far. One blemish is okay with us so long as you promise to trust us more from now on.”

“Thank you.” Shiro smiled at them, finally meeting their eyes since he started this talk. Just hearing their words and support felt like a huge weight was listing off of his shoulders. He had been holding onto this guilt for so long that he had manifested all these ideas that they would hate him and banish him from the team. For so long now he had convinced himself that they would react badly that he didn’t notice that that wasn’t how his team was at all. They had always supported him, and he really was a big idiot to forget that. “I’m going to rely on you more, if that’s all right with you. I might need a hand, after all.”

He grinned and wiggled the nub of his right arm with a little chuckle. With a snort, Pidge burst into laughter that pulled everyone else in too. They talked and joked together and for the first time in a long time Shiro finally felt like he was a part of the team again.

***

A few hours later the healing bay had quieted down and Shiro stood alone in front of Keith’s pod. He had asked the others to allow him just a few minutes privacy when Keith woke up, although he knew they were waiting just beyond the door, itching to run in and see him after he had been gone for so long.

Maybe it was a little selfish to ask them to stay back, but this was something he needed to do.

As soon as the pod opened, Shiro was by his side with an arm around his shoulders as he stumbled out. It took him a few tries to adjust to the lights but once he did, he looked straight at him with an expression of worry. His purple eyes traced his face, expecting to see those yellow irises. “Shiro?”

“Yeah, it’s me.” Shiro smiled softly and helped him to sit down on the steps. “I’m fine, thanks to you.”

“Your arm…” Keith looked down at the nub on his right side, frowning at the scars that the pod couldn’t possibly fully heal.

“Cut clean off. But don’t worry. Apparently Davyr dropped off my custom prosthetic and Pidge and Hunk said once they make a few ‘adjustments’ and make sure there’s no Galra data on it, they’ll have me good as new tomorrow.” Shiro grinned, but his expression turned stoic quickly. “Keith, I’m still here because of you. If you hadn’t been there today, I would be somewhere with the Galra doing things I don’t even want to imagine. I can’t say thank you enough for what you did. It couldn’t have been easy.”

“I almost killed you. I cut off your arm.” Keith gave him a look of shocked disbelief. Was he really thanking him for slicing off a limb?

“And I almost killed you. So I guess we’re even.” Shiro shrugged, chuckling at Keith’s flat expression at such a nonchalant way to sum up the day.

Shiro gave Keith the same brief rundown that he gave the others. He deserved an explanation and Shiro kept it as honest as he had earlier, earning the occasional nod of understanding from Keith. He had left the team early on with Shiro’s situation, so he hadn’t seen the poor decisions and arguments, so all of this may have been an even bigger shock to him. “I feel like you deserve an apology of your own. When I was upset about Black rejecting me, I tried to fill the role of leader by speaking over you and demeaning you. I pushed you away. When you chose to leave the team…was it because of me?”

“No…it was a lot of things.” Keith looked away, and that gesture was enough to confirm that Shiro had been at least part of the reason. “I just…I wasn’t ready to be the leader. You’re a better fit for the role.”

“You always say that, but when I’m confused and I’m not sure what to do, I always find myself looking to you.” Shiro’s words were soft, and they made Keith look back up at him. “You make good decisions, Keith, and you’ve saved me time and time and time again. When you left, I didn’t have anyone to turn to when I needed it most. I’m not blaming you at all. What I’m trying to say is…I want you to come back. I need you here. I’m not the strong leader I tried to be and with the team’s support I’m going to try to be better. But you’re the most important person in my life, and this team just isn’t complete without you. You’re an important part of Voltron. We all need you here.”

“Shiro…I…” Keith looked conflicted at those words and Shiro set a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“You don’t have to make a decision now. And if you don’t want to, I’m not going to force you. I will support whatever you decide.” He squeezed his shoulder softly. “But if you do choose to stay with the Blades I will at least make you promise to visit a little more often.”

Keith gave a soft laugh to that and smiled. “I’ll…I’ll get back to you on that then…”

“Okay.” Shiro accepted that answer and pulled him in tight in a one armed hug. “Thank you, Keith. For everything.”

Keith quickly melded into the embrace. “I told you once already. As many times as it takes.”

They stayed like that for a while until the door to the room burst open and the others flooded inside with a loud. “Okay, times up!” and a chorus of “Keith!”’s.

They were engulfed in the arms of their teammates and surrounded with laughter. After Shiro’s mistakes and Keith’s absence, they had accepted them back like nothing had happened at all. It was welcoming and warm and Shiro allowed himself to give into the comfort. This was his family.

He was finally home.


End file.
